When was the last time you failed at something? Every week I sit with someone in my counseling practice who’s failed at something.
For some, it’s their marriage. For others, the failed relationship is with a parent or a son or daughter. Children that don’t get a blessing from a parent can feel like a failure and that feeling can seep into nearly all they attempt to do in life.
Some have lost a job and they go months without finding one. Every time they hear a “no,” the rejection is difficult and they move on to the next “no,” and the next, causing them to feel like a failure.
When people are depressed, they cannot will themselves to feel happy, to be joyful, or to overcome the pit they find themselves in. The darkness overwhelms them and they wonder if life will ever change. Among other feelings, depression makes people feel like failures.
Have you ever felt like a failure?
When Jalen Hurts quarterbacked the Philadelphia Eagles to a Superbowl win this past Sunday, he was about to be interviewed by Erin Andrews after the game and a teammate interrupted and said, “Now tell them to get off your back,” or something to that effect.
What was that about? I think it was about all those people who have pointed out the times he has failed, despite the great success he has had as an athlete.
As I listened to the Jalen Hurts’ interview after the Superbowl with Erin Andrews, here are some of the things I think we can learn from him about how to handle failure.
- When we fail, we need to reach out for help.
Jalen said, “God is good. He’s greater than all of our highs and our lows.”
We should remember to keep our successes and our failures in perspective. God does not love us anymore or any less based on whether we fail or succeed. Both can lead us away from God. Our successes can lead us to arrogance and pride. Our failures can cause us to curse God and lose our faith. But God is good, regardless of whether we fail or succeed. When we succeed or fail, God is available to help us find our way, because God is good. God is love.
Jalen also praised his teammates and said he could not do what he does without them. Not only did he show humility with this comment, but he reminded us that we need each other. That is especially true when we fail, but many people are tempted to draw in because failure can lead to shame. This is the reason it’s important to acknowledge the next point.
- Everyone fails, but not everyone learns from failure.
Everyone fails. Some people’s failures are more public than others. Some people hide their failures. Some people are more transparent than others, but everyone fails at something.
Jalen said, “I’ve been able to use every experience and learn from it.”
As an Alabama fan (not an obnoxious one—they do exist), I knew he might have been referring to the time Coach Nick Saban benched him in the 2018 National Championship game against the Georgia Bulldogs and the legend of Tua Tagovailoa was born. Tua came in and led Alabama to a comeback to win the National Championship.
Tua was the starting quarterback and Jalen was Alabama’s backup the next season until Jalen entered the SEC Championship game and returned the favor to help Alabama win another come from behind victory against Georgia. Although Jalen had a good year his final season at Oklahoma, he did not win the Heisman.
He might also have been referring to the experience of losing the Superbowl to the Chiefs two years ago. For two years, he’s lived with critics saying that his passing skills are not good enough to win a championship.
Sometimes it is our setbacks that lead to our next discovery. Alexander Fleming discovered penicillin discovered after a mold was found growing on a neglected petri dish in a lab. Sometimes, our failures might lead us to the next great stage of life, IF we allow ourselves to learn from the experience.
- Failure makes some people bitter.It makes other people better.
Jalen says he used his failure “as fuel.”
As the interview ended, Erin Andrews asked Jalen to look at the color of the confetti. She did that to remind him that he could finally change the screensaver on his phone. For two years Jalen has saved a picture of himself walking through the red and yellow confetti after losing to the Chiefs two years ago. This is a picture he has seen every day. It’s been motivation. It’s been fuel to remind him of the hard work he needs to put in to accomplish the goal he wants to accomplish.
For Jalen, he has used failure to make him better.
This week, I got word that I failed to pass an important evaluation, not related to my job, but another certification that I have been working on for a long time. It was a simple pass/fail grading system and I failed.
I was discouraged and my first reaction was negative as the energy to reinvest and do the work again is not exciting. But I have allowed Jalen to be my teacher, and I have asked myself these questions:
1.) Am I humble enough to ask for help?
2.) Am I willing to learn from my mistakes?
3.) Do I want to be bitter or get better?
Next time you fail, maybe these questions will help you also.